Intermarriage

It has been a while since my last entry.. here it goes....

The discussion in our class about intermarriage was very interesting. It is a very touchy and personal issue for many students in our class. I have never really openly discussed the issue with kids whose parents are intermarried. I think it is good that there are resources such as interfaithfamily.com that can help with families who are intermarried who are looking for answers about living a Jewish life.

I know that I have a mother who says “You have to marry a nice Jewish boy when you grow up because our religion is a dying one”. I hear it all the time…. It never ends…. While I think that if I did want to marry someone who wasn’t Jewish she would accept that person I think it would be a shock to my family and I know that there are many others who have mothers that say the same thing. As someone who wants to and aspires to be a rabbi it is important for me to marry a Jewish man and have a Jewish lifestyle.

Many people have asked me as a rabbi will I perform intermarriages. I often say that while my views could change as of now I would say no. I want to make sure that my role as a future rabbi is fulfilled, that I am serving the needs of my congregation, and that I am continuing to help Judaism through the commitment that I will make to G-D. Many rabbis that are currently the leaders of the Reform movement have often said that the views of the incoming generations of rabbis are much more traditional than most of the rabbis currently. I know that I will welcome interfaith couples into my congregation and help them find a connection with Judaism and G-D in any way I can. However, I will not officiate at an intermarriage ceremony because for me that is not fulfilling one of the commitments that I will make as a rabbi: to ensure the success and continuation of Judaism because even if the couple says that they will raise their kids in a Jewish home, it isn’t a certain thing until the children are born. I will try to help the couple who is seeking me out to officiate at their wedding understand that it is not them personally that I do not like but it will be my policy as a rabbi not to officiate at interfaith marriages.

It is very interesting that every synagogue, every rabbi has their own views and opinions and that there isn’t a standard. It is true that it will be very hard or rather probably impossible to find a rabbi in the conservative or orthodox movement who will officiate. Also in most orthodox communities they do not accept interfaith couples or families. I often feel like families of an interfaith background who want to be in those communities are often turned away because of their background. I think that if that family is willing to make those commitments and follow torah and Jewish law then why not let them?

The issue of interfaith marriage is not just talked about within every synagogue and movement but in classrooms such as ours because the issue affects where the future of Judaism is going. The more interfaith marriages and the more children whose parent(s) were brought up Jewish but they are not being brought up in Judaism, it is the opinion of many rabbis and myself, that Judaism will then be less successful. Judaism is a religion that relies on the participation of its believers no matter what movement they are part of. There is a growing fear among many Jews that the more intermarriage that continues to happen the less Jews there will be in the future.

Especially for parents of Jewish college students who attend universities that are full of diversity it is an especially important issue to discuss because most young Jewish college students will not attend universities that are solely populated by Jews, they attend universities such as ours which has a large Jewish population but is still very diverse. We discuss it especially at this time in our lives when we are deciding for ourselves what we actually believe. My friends and I often joke that one of the purposes of Hillel and Jewish camps and almost any Jewish organization that we are involved in is that nice Jewish boys and nice Jewish girls will meet and then they will get married and have nice Jewish babies. When I think about that it seems interesting that that is how we think of those organizations and it begs the bigger question of what does that say about young Jewish people today?

Hope you all are having a great semester!!!